Twists and Turns
by emmad96
Summary: Can Sam handle losing Andy? Can he handle the end before it has even begun? Rating will probably change, along with title.
1. Chapter 1

**AN:** This is a new story that came to me. Don't kill me, please? :). Review please, I like knowing what you all think and where you think the story is going. I'm not sure where in the series this is set, it all depends on what memories I want to use. For all you Jerry fans, he won't be killed out of this story. I have come up with three new characters, Price, Harken and Taylor. They won't be major, with the exception of perhaps Taylor. They call it AU for a reason. Well, enjoy!

**I do not own anything.**

* * *

**SAM POV:**

"_Officer down! I repeat, officer down, medic needed immediately!" Epstein called over the radio, the sound of someone gasping in the background. I sprinted up the street to where Epstein and his partner were securing the scene. Somehow, I knew this was the end before it even started and I began to run faster, desperate to be there when it happened. I rounded the corner of the alleyway and took in the sight before me. There were two bodies on the ground, Epstein kneeling over one, the one in blue. I hauled him out of the way and knelt beside her, trying to find where the blood was coming from. God, there was so much blood, too much. I found the bullet hole and pushed my hand against her, trying to stop her scarlet essence from leaking all over a downtown Toronto alleyway._

"_Sam," the woman on the pavement gasped to me, a hand grasping weakly at my chest, "I'm so sorry."_

"_No, this is all on me; this is all on me, McNally." I said back, running my thumb over those beautiful lips._

"_I love you, Sam." She gasped, before those bambi eyes looked into my soul and fluttered for the last time._

"_I love you too, Andy; more than you will ever know." I said, gently kissing those lips, a faint trace of a smile appearing as a paramedic pulled me back and began to work on her. I felt hands pulling on me, pushing me towards a squad car as the ambulance sped off to the hospital. Oliver drove me to the hospital, a string of squad cars following us. Somehow I ended up sitting in a waiting room with a coffee in my hand. I looked up and surveyed my surroundings. I saw Diaz and Epstein standing in a corner, Epstein glancing at me periodically with a scared look on his face. I saw Nash, Peck and Collins sitting together, tears rolling down both women's faces, Collins with one arm wrapped protectively around Peck and the other around Nash. I saw Jerry, Frank and Oliver standing by a doorway, grim looks on their faces._

"_Family of Miss Andrea McNally?" I heard someone call, looking up in time to see Tommy McNally step forward. I silently watched the interaction and saw the man fall to his knees, his world coming apart at the seams. Tears started to roll from my eyes as I heard Tommy's sobs echo through the room, my heart and soul ripping in two, half with me and half with Andy, _my_ Andy…_

**One Year Later**

I jerked upright in my bed, tears flowing down my cheeks. Turning to the glowing red lights beside me, I see that it is 3:13am. Today it is a year since McNally was shot and killed on duty. Today it is six months since I took a leave of absence to screw my head back on straight. Today is my first day back on shift. So, I pull myself together, make my way through my old routine and get myself down to the barn. I'm early so I make my way to the gym to try to work off the cloud that will inevitably hang over me all day, everywhere I turn reminding me of the girl, no, woman, who I waited so long for who is now dead. So I began to beat the black bag and soon I was in a haze, my muscles complaining but the pain feeling good, making me feel alive. Through the cloud in my head, I hear the door click open and shut again, alerting me to a presence.

"Parade's in twenty, Sam. You ready to be back?" I heard Oliver ask from behind me. I stopped beating the bag and turned to face my best friend. He looked different, older perhaps, than the last time I saw him six months ago. I slipped my mask down over my features, straightened my body and replied.

"Thanks, Ollie. Yeah, I'm good to go." With that I went and showered and changed into my uniform. I was pressing my Velcro name badge onto my chest in the mirror when I noticed that the last three letters in SWAREK were red, not white. Suddenly, I remembered that this was the badge I was wearing on that day, that I had put this badge in the top of my locker, unable to wash her out of it, unable to fully let go of her. I pulled it from my chest, replacing it with a clean one and shoving it into my pocket. Checking my watch I realised I was almost late for parade, so I made my way to the parade room, slipping in the back as Frank began making the day's announcements. Scanning the room, I saw that there were a new crop of rookies, only three this time though, two guys and a woman. They sat in the front row of desks, in front of various coppers. I noticed that everybody who was close to Andy were sitting in the very back, on the opposite side of the room to myself. I was snapped out of my concentration by the sound of my name.

"Before I get onto today's assignments, I would like to welcome back one of fifteen's finest, Officer Sam Swarek. It's good to have you back." Frank said, heads turning and a murmur going through the room. I faked a smile and gave a wave before Frank continued. "Right, onto assignments. Epstein and Peck, Price with Diaz, Harken with Shaw…" I tuned out half way through, wishing shift was already over so that I could go home, drink a bottle of whiskey and forget today was happening. I wasn't aware parade was over until I heard a cough and noticed one of the rookies standing in front of me, the woman, looking nervous.

"Um, sir, Officer Swarek, hi, I'm Hannah Taylor, I mean, I'm Officer Taylor, I – " I cut her off with a wave of my hand. Pushing myself off the wall, I began to walk out to the squad car, talking on the way.

"I am presuming you have had the talk already. Here is my addendum; I did not ask for a rookie, or a partner, so my rules are the rules. I don't care how long you have been on this job, you sit, watch and listen to me. I do not want to talk about anything that isn't case related. I am not your boyfriend, I will not hold your hand." Stopping at the push doors, I turned to face her. She looked even more nervous than before. I remembered the reply I got last time I said those words, _"I don't date cops anyway."_, followed by a smile.

"Yes, sir." Taylor said quietly, looking down and away from me.

"Sammy! I hope you are being nice to your rookie!" Oliver called to me from across the barn, walking towards me with his rookie in tow. When he reached me, he pulled me into a hug, slapping me on the back. "It's good to have you back, Sam. Place hasn't been the same without you."

"Good to be back, Ollie. I'm just giving the rook my version of the talk, that's all old man." I replied, smiling a little and returning the hug.

"Ah, right. Taylor, be nice to Sammy boy here today. Any way, we must be off, bad guys to catch and sandwiches to eat." Oliver said, slapping me on the shoulders and nodding at Taylor. The rest of the shift proceeded with two B&E's and a domestic disturbance. It wasn't until we got a call to the very edge of 15 Division that things became interesting...


	2. Chapter 2

**AN:** Thank you all for the reviews! It really means a lot to me. Don't worry, I do have method to my madness, and all will work it's self out eventually. This chapter contains two points of view, Frank and Ollie. I have a pretty good idea of where this story is going now, so feel free to take a guess. I would like to thank my awesome beta, Cyth, for beta-ing for me and picking up my little mistakes xD. Enjoy, all, because you guys aren't going to like me much after the next chapter I put up, sorry!

* * *

**Frank POV:**

It was two hours into shift when my phone buzzed to life on my desk. I smiled as I saw the name on the screen; _Noelle_.

_You didn't wake me when you left, Sergeant._

I smiled and chuckled a bit. I tapped out a reply and hit send.

_You looked so peaceful and content with my baby girl that I didn't have the heart._

Her reply was almost instantaneous, not surprising.

_I did want to see you before you left. Sammy's first day back today. How is he?_

I closed my eyes and thought. It had been a rough year for possibly my best training officer, and his 'I'm fine' act wasn't fooling those of us who were closest to him.

_It's Sam. What do you expect? Came in at four thirty this morning and beat the crap out of a boxing bag._

I sighed and hit send, waiting for a reply.

_That's not good. Who did you partner him with?_

As I typed my reply, I wondered what had been going through my head when I put Officer Sam Swarek, man who fell in love with his rookie, with another female rookie.

_Taylor._

I grinned when I read the reply I got, imagining the facial expression and tone that would have been used.

_You idiot. Really, Epstein could have done a better job there. Any particular reason you put a female rookie with Sam?_

I quickly typed a reply, seeing Oliver head for my office.

_Because he brings out the best in them. Put a nervous rook with Sam, teach her she can deal with him and you've got a winner. I'll ring you later, got real work to do xox._

I leaned back in my chair as Olivier came in.

"What can I do for you, Officer Shaw?" I inquired, looking my old friend in the eye. Oliver had taken the death of McNally personally, hell, we all had. That girl was family to us all.

"It's Sam, Frank," he replied, "He's not doing too well. Today was the first time I talked to him in six months and he seems more out of it than he did when he left. He's got that look that tells me he's not sleeping." He continued, never dropping his eyes from mine. Sighing, I leaned back in my chair, intertwining my fingers.

"Ollie, I know you are his best friend, we all know that, but maybe he's changed. McNally changed him the second she cuffed him. Maybe this is just the Sam without McNally. I don't know if this is a good or bad thing, but do me a favour, invite him to dinner with you, Zoe and the girls. Get him back into the life he had pre-McNally. I need my best TO back," I said, my mind racing with ways to help my friend, colleague and brother. Getting him back to his life pre-McNally seemed to be the only thing that would have a hope in hell in getting the cocky, pig-headed Sam back that we all knew and loved.

"Sounds like a good plan, Boss. Have you thought about throwing him back under cover at some point?" Oliver replied, standing up and moving towards the door.

"All in due course, Officer Shaw, all in due course," I said, turning back to my computer and noticing a text from Noelle on my phone. As I opened it, I heard Oliver yelling at his rookie to hurry the hell up. Laughing quietly, I looked down at my phone seeing a picture of my baby girl asleep in her cot and a message underneath, '_Real work, huh? Talk to you later xo'. _ The rest of my day ticked by, with two more pictures and a phone call from Noelle. I was beginning to pack up for the night when I got the call from Boyd.

"Boyd, what the hell do you want, I want to go home to my woman and baby." I snapped into the mouthpiece.

"Would you please keep your officers on a tighter leash? I don't need another one of my operations being ruined by a cop from fifteen." He barked back, chatter in the background. "Look, I gotta go, but just keep the likes of Swarek on a short leash, alright?"

"Yeah, whatever," I said, sighing, "Boyd, while I've got you for a minute, do you have any upcoming UC ops that we could throw Swarek on? He's gotta get his head back in the game and I think UC will give him more time."

"Yeah, I'll have a look. I've got one coming up in about six months that could work for him. I really have to go now; I'll get back to you." Boyd said hurriedly, the line going dead. I had barely put the phone down when it started to buzz with life again.

"Best, fifteen Division," I said, trying to shut my computer down as quickly as possible. The call was short, just long enough for me to be told that I had four officers involved in a shooting, nothing more, and nothing less. Shaw. Swarek. Taylor. Harken. Their faces flashed through my mind as I raced out of my office and to the hospital. This cannot be happening again. Not after McNally.

* * *

**Oliver POV:**

I walked out of Frank's office, thinking about Sam. My best friend for over fifteen years, uncle to my girls and one of the most standout coppers the city has seen had turned into a shell of a man without his woman. I push all memories of the woman that was like a daughter to me out of my head and yell at my rookie.

"Harken, hurry the hell up. We got bad guys to catch." I yelled across the room, Harken and Price standing in the corner talking about something in hushed tones. They stopped immediately and Harken rushed over to me, coffees in hand.

"Sorry, sir. Here's your coffee, just the way you like it," He said, passing me a cup of steaming coffee. I sighed and began to walk back out to the squad car. As I drove us out of the barn's parking lot, Harken asked a question that I knew was coming.

"Sir, with all due respect, what is Officer Swarek's problem?" he asked, the nervous tone evident in his voice. Sighing, I pulled over and turned to face the rookie, staring him in the eye with a no nonsense glare.

"Officer Swarek is one of fifteens finest. He is an undercover legend and doesn't let anything stand in the way of what he thinks is right, so I think he is allowed to have a 'problem'. If you ever are lucky, or unlucky, enough to ride with him, you will see exactly what I mean, got it?" I said, not wanting to talk about Sam, Andy or this past year in any detail. He nodded then mumbled an apology. I pulled out back into traffic and quietly chuckled to myself. This new Sam was going to be torture for the rookies. We cruised the streets until a call brought us to the edge of 15 Division. On arrival, I saw Sam with his gun drawn, pointed at a young woman, about five ten, blonde hair. Pretty face, a face hard to forget. And she had a gun to Taylor's temple

"Officer Swarek. What's the problem here?" I ask in a calm voice, drawing my gun slowly, noticing Harken doing the same.

"Officer Shaw, as you can see, we have the small problem that this young woman has a gun pointed at an officer," He replied back, his smooth, even tone telling me that we were in trouble. Serious trouble.


	3. Chapter 3

**Soo, hey guys! Sorry for not updating in such a long time, but my muse had died and gone stone cold :/. BUT it was resurrected by a song called Beacon by Fine Frenzy (think Hot & Bothered season one xD). This probably isn't my best work, but I was hit with a sudden inspiration and I wanted to get it up as quickly as possible. Please, please review and tell me any errors in my grammar/spelling if you come across any, just no flames please. So sorry for keeping you all waiting, but at last, here chapter three is.**

**Disclaimer: Nope, don't own them. **

* * *

**SAM POV:**

_Three hours after shooting:_

"Ok, Sammy, just take us through it from the top. No rush, no pressure. It's just me, your friend." Frank said to me gently, gesturing for me to take a seat in the cold, empty examination room of the hospital. As I took a deep breath in, the hospital smell filtered through my lungs and I had to physically shake the memories from that day out of my head.

"Frank, I'm sorry this happened again." I said quietly, running a hand through my black hair.

"Sam, it's not your fault." Frank said, resting a hand on my shoulder, trying to reassure me.

"Yes it is. I should have kept Taylor in the car. I should have told her to get back behind me and then I would have been the one with a gun to my head. I shouldn't have let the situation arise to where it did; there shouldn't be another rookie with a bullet in her chest. It should be me on that operating table, I should be the one fighting for my life, the way it should have been a year ago!" I was breathing fast now, a year of torture threatening to overtake my whole body, hands shaking and heart racing. Frank stood up and moved towards the door.

"Sam, you need time to process this. Go home, get some sleep and I'll see you in the morning to go over it, ok?"

"No. I have to be here when she wakes up, because last time I bloody well left, we were putting a pine box in the god damn fucking ground!" I yelled, standing up and charging for the door, only to be stopped by Frank's strong arms across my chest. "Let me go! Get off me, I can't do this again! I can't lose someone else, Frank; I wouldn't be able to handle it." The tears streamed down my face as I slumped against the man who was both boss and friend. The door opened and as I looked up, I saw Noelle and Traci, tears running down their faces as they stepped towards me, pulling me out of Frank's grasp and somehow getting me through the hospital, into a squad and back to the station. Traci ushered me through the bull pen and into the men's locker room before sitting me down and hugging me tightly. She started to shudder in my arms that were loosely draped around her, her sobs of grief bringing my own to the surface. I don't know how long we sat there for, clinging hopelessly to each other, as if it could bring her back to us. Oh how I would give anything to feel her soft hands punching me, or see her beautiful smile radiating across the room after Dov cracked a bad joke again.

"I just miss her so much, Sam. I forget some days in the morning when I wake up and then, for just a few minutes, a few glorious minutes, I forget that my best friend isn't dead, that I'll see her sneak in late to parade. And then it all comes crashing down over me like a tonne of bricks, crushing me into the little pile of hopeless sadness." I hear her say after some time, her arms pulling me even closer, her tears still saturating my unbuttoned uniform shirt. I kiss the top of her head as I hear the door open, knowing it will be Jerry.

"I miss her too. Every second of every day I wish I could pull her into my arms and never let her go, Trace." I murmured, pulling back and looking her in the eyes. Out of everyone in the division, we knew most what Andy's loss felt like. Jerry stepped over and accepted the crying woman into his own arms and walked her out, knowing that this wasn't the best place for her to be, memories of the woman we all loved in some way seeped into every nook and cranny. I stood up and looked at myself in the mirror, running a hand over my tear stained features. I pulled my clothes off, examining my body and how I had lost weight over the past year. My muscles weren't as defined, my pants hanging looser than they did six months ago. I stripped down to my briefs, not looking too closely at the lack of muscle definition and walked into the showers, turning the hot on and letting the hot water sting my skin, making me feel alive. Once I had finished my shower, I dressed in my usual t-shirt and jeans, grabbing my bag and walking out towards my truck. I had to go and finally see her, I couldn't keep on putting it off. I stopped at my local bottle store and collected a bottle of scotch before beginning the drive to the cemetery. As I arrived in the parking lot of the cemetery, I pulled the bottle of liquor from it's brown bag and parked the truck. I locked the silver machine and walked slowly towards the grave I had refused to visit in the year it had been there. Reaching the lump of grey stone, I unscrewed the cap of the bottle and took a deep swig, the liquid burning a trail down my throat and igniting my heart again. I sat down next to the stone in silence, taking swig after swig of the scotch.

"I love you Andy. I always have and I'm afraid I always will. No woman can ever make me feel the way you do…did. I'm sorry it took me so long to come and visit, but I couldn't bare to actually accept that you were gone from my life, our life, before it even got to start really. I've made a shambles of my life over this past year. Those muscles you used to sneakily look at are fading; I'm not the same man that you knew. When you died, you took a part of me with you and I strongly doubt I'll get that back. Fuck I miss you McNally…" I continued to talk and talk to this lump of stone, dissipating the level of scotch in the bottle and eventually turning into a drunken mess, filling 'Andy' in on everything that had been happening in the past year. I wasn't even aware that the sun had begin to come up until I felt a hand pat me on the shoulder, Oliver coming to haul my drunken ass back to his place. I silently vowed I would visit again, very soon.

* * *

**AN: So, what did ya think? Tell me with a review! Promise that it wont be such a long time between updates next, will start work on the next chapter tomorrow night as I have a history essay that needs to be started :/.**


End file.
